The congressional insurance cohort finds a “public option” more dangerous to the country than swine flu. Do they see the government as a giant monster that will devour members of the health care cartel? Probably not, they’re more likely concerned that competition will attract the industry-terrifying green gecko.

Ohio needs a board to keep food safe. Treat swine flu vaccine as toxic waste. Old folks may face federal death panels. Cancer screening may be harmful. No wonder America decorates lawns with grave stones, spooks and spider webs.

The Times says sources call Jay Leno’s new show a “failure” based on the first few weeks’ ratings. Critics range from ad execs, who initially called it a “mistake,” to producers who lost sales. They have the same interest in viewers as health insurers have in patients — maintaining their share of the substantial profit [...]

Many political problems can be traced to gerrymandered districts in the House. They could be solved in an instant by switching from lines on a map to groupings by voters’ last names. The representative from Ohio Ce-Fg, could recognize constituents and vice-versa, computers could handle redistricting easily, and best of all, everyone running for congress [...]